Friends. I can count on two hands how many people I talk to about personal things. I always thought that I had good and really close friends. I was there for them when they needed a hug, a helping hand, an ear, or to give them or someone else a piece of my mind. I was there for them when close loved ones passed on. I was the first person there when they gave birth to their first child. I was also there when no one else was able to take them to the doctors. I was right next to them when they were laying in the hospital bed in the emergency room. Then I realized.. Where were they the night my dad and grandma died? Where were they when I got out of an abusive relationship?
I’ve gone through so much that I thought they were there for me. Everything that I went through, I learned my lessons on my own and not really with my friends. All the times I thought they were always going to be there for me, they really weren’t. Just merely wall flowers and decorations in my life. It gives me some sort of a shock as to how my future looks. Who’s going to be my maid of honor when I get married? Who will I be naming my kid’s god-mother?
It kind of makes me sad when my sisters said that I had good friends because they were there for my grandma and my dad’s viewing. That’s all they did. Go to the viewing and eat what food we had there for our guest. They didn’t even give any monetary offering to help pay for the funeral itself(thank good we did alright). It’s common sense and common courtesy to offer money or help, especially in Hawaii. People in Hawaii are so different to anywhere else that I’ve been. They’re much more welcoming and helping in any kind of way.. Generally. But them.. I don’t know. They didn’t grow into generous caring people. They only really think of themselves and whoever they’re trying to impress. It bothers me so damn much. Call me a bitch but if I were to get back all the money that I used on them because they would borrow money from me, I’d have a lot more in my savings. But whatever. I hope they realize how much they’re missing when my friendship is completely gone because of their selfishness.
There’s been things going on lately that just downright irritates the crap out of me. I’ve shared some of it with others because I didn’t know how to approach the situation but then overtime I’ve actually let it be known to the main people that it’s involving. Apparently they haven’t figured it out that they should just fucking say it to my face and not to my boyfriend or his friends. Got something to say about me, get some fucking evidence to back your allegations up you fucking two faced bitch. I’ve shut people out of my life before and I can do it again. Stop trying to slander my name with being a gold digger. How in the fucking world am I a gold digger when I buy things for him with MY OWN MONEY. Unlike you, I’m working and I’ve known the meaning of work. Everything that I’ve got is earned in someway or another. So fuck you, on to the next issue.
People who think people are there just for a fucking convenience and for their disposal. Fuck you. Don’t take my kindness for weakness, I haven’t punched you in the face yet cause I’m the bigger and better person. Yet you still parade around still being the fucking social whore you are. What a fucking joke. You have important priorities and yet you’re still in your old ways of sleeping around, using guys and your parents for money, and using your friends as your way out. Bitch! I hope karma hits you all at once so you can feel what you’re doing to everyone around you, who actually try and help you when you insist on them helping you. You have so many friends on facebook but if you were to see them in person you wouldn’t know who the fuck they are because all you want to be is popular. It’s not fucking high school anymore little girl and just because you supposedly have “your own place” doesn’t mean you’re independent. Your shit is paid off from the people who are supposed to love you with the bullshit you feed them and you’re still basically living at home because of the situation you’re in. Sorry you’re also not as real as you claim when everything that comes out of your mouth is bullshit to begin with.
I’m fucking tired of bullshit.. Seriously. Going to be going into antisocial mode again if this shit holds up.